WOW. Almost two years since I last blogged. That's life with three kids and a work from home computer job. The world already knows that I'm pregnant again - with TWINS!
Since my last physical journal entry is even longer than two years ago - I'm going to journal here (hopefully more successfully) for the twins' pregnancy!
I found out I was pregnant the day before Thanksgiving 2016. I knew something was different from my other three pregnancies a few weeks in. I was exhausted. And, not just normal pregnancy tired. Zombie, walking dead, narcoleptic tired. I could barely muster the will power to get out of bed. I would fall asleep while I was waiting to pick up Cruz from preschool. I'd fall asleep sitting at my computer. I almost fell asleep while straightening my hair one day... I had it bad.
My other pregnancies were nothing like that. I vaguely remember Blair's pregnancy being a little different. So, while I had this niggling in the back of my head saying it was twins, I just assumed it was another single girl. Twins don't run in either side of our families. It was completely improbable that I would conceive twins spontaneously. And I mean, like one in a million... or a trillion.
I told Ammon I was pregnant on Christmas day. I knew this would be our last baby and I wanted to do something special. That month was SO long trying to keep it from everyone that I see on a daily basis. I couldn't believe that I surprised my mom. I totally thought she knew and wasn't saying anything. I passed out on her couch on afternoon for like three hours and was eating less and less. I though for sure she knew. But, I got her good!! She had no idea.
Cut to January 9, 2017. The earliest day my Dr's office could get me in for my first appointment. I was almost eleven weeks along. My ultrasound was first and Bobbi, the sonographer, asked how I was feeling this time around. This was our fourth baby in five years... my doctor's office knows me pretty well by this point ;)
I told her that I was feeling pretty good, but different. I said, "It's crazy because sometimes I think it's twins since I've been feeling so differently. And I already feel huge. Like pushing twenty weeks instead of eleven." She very politely told me that sometimes that can happen when you have pregnancies so close together, and it can change with age. All perfectly reasonable explanations. I kept telling myself that I was just being crazy, as usual, and projecting my want for five kids on my pregnancy.
BACK STORY -- On New years, we were driving home from a family party and I was telling Ammon how incredibly bittersweet this pregnancy already was to me. I knew it was going to be our last. But, Ammon and I always pictured ourselves with five kids. We would tell people that's how many children we wanted. I remember saying that it must not be in the cards for us and that four kids was enough for us to keep our hands full. Even though I was overjoyed to be pregnant, the melancholy I felt about not having those five kids I always pictures myself with really ate at me for a while. Maybe we'll have a caboose baby in five or six years if I'm still able to have children by then, I told myself. If five spirits were meant to come to us, then God would find a way to send them down to us. Things always work out how they're supposed to. Four kids or five. We'd be a happy, very busy family. BACK STORY OVER
So, Bobbi places the ultrasound wand on my stomach and I see the two black orbs staring back at me. We both gasp and Bobbi pulls the wand off my stomach and I say, "Tell me those are my ovaries?" Bobbi laughs, because I'm an idiot and my doctor's office knows that all too well. She places the wand back on my stomach and says, very slowly and measured, "There are two of them in there."
I, of course, start crying before the words are out of her mouth. My mind completely goes blank and I stare at the miracle growing inside of me - totally validating why I feel ginormous and how tired I've been. My body was telling me what was going on. I just couldn't believe what was happening.
Bobbi runs the wand over my stomach showing me my fourth and fifth children. My heart felt like it was going to explode. I knew five were meant to be ours. It WAS meant to be. Both of the twins were measuring perfectly ten weeks four days. Exactly the same size. Fraternal. Same sac size. Each with their own placenta.
With my other babies, I had an anterior placenta - meaning my placenta was between my stomach and the amniotic sac. It mad ultrasounds kind of fuzzy because the image had to go through the amniotic sac/fluid, the placenta AND my skin. The twins have their placentas on the sides for now and I couldn't believe how much I was able to see of them. During the 3D and 4D imaging, I could see their facial features that are forming. I could see their fingers and toes and their bulbous foreheads. It was so amazing.
I still can't believe I am growing two humans inside of my body. I feel so incredibly blessed. I can't wait to see and feel them grow. I'm so excited to welcome them into the world. How amazing is it that me, a woman who cannot get pregnant on her own, is carrying twins? God is so good and blesses me and my family more than we deserve. I can't wait to hold my twins in my arms (hoping I can do that soon... and not through the plastic of a NICU bed). I want the next six months to speed by. The shock has worn off and now pure excitement fills me up!
Bradshaw party of SEVEN is coming at you!!